Age: 34
Current relationship status: Single
What qualities catch your eye?
Confidence, preppiness, ability to hold a conversation (particularly listening and asking questions). And sense of humor: I love it if I can see us playing practical jokes on each other.
What turns you off about Christian women?
I love Christian women! Honestly, the only thought that comes to mind is that I sometimes get the sense (and I could be wrong) that Christian women feel like they’re entitled to be asked out because they’re Christian and all their female friends tell them how beautiful they are. Eh, no.
How are things faring with the ladies, in general?
Um, just fine, thanks. Actually, I started giving this okCupid thing a try this week, but I spend more time answering the questions and trying to figure out how the algorithm works than actually messaging women… I’ll get around to that.
That last question was just a diplomatic way of getting the dirt. Boy, why you single?
It’d probably help if I pursued someone, stood my ground and determined that it would work. In that, I’m probably no different than all the other New Yorkers who realize that they’ll always have options. I’m also a black guy who doesn’t attend a pre-dominantly black church, and that has its complications. Not obstacles, just complications.
What is the biggest misconception women have about men?
If I hear the words “Peter Pan” one more time…
What do you wish you understood about women?
I am the WORST at reading interest.
Name your shame. Favorite 90’s ballad? Affection for Lifetime movies? Convince us there’s a mortal behind the facade of perfection that you’re currently rocking.
Do you have 8 hours? Seriously, I’m a bona fide nerd (see my okCupid comment above…). I will obsess over anything involving numbers; hence my interest in sports and online advertising. Also, I like the movie “Troy”.
Christians who’re dating face all sorts of moral/logistical conundrums. Where (or to whom) do you look for advice and insight?
Honestly, I’ve got my homies, who are basically struggling with the same things I am, and then there are male pastors, who in many cases married young and before coming to the city. As much as I love both, I’ve never felt that either group has been through my exact situation and can speak deeply into it; not in the same fashion as someone who’s married, but who’s had the experience of being a single 30-something New Yorker.
If a girl is interested, what’s her best recourse (other than batting of the eyelashes)?
Put herself in places where she knows the guy will be. Make herself available to talk; if a guy you’re interested in walks over to you while you’re in midst of a conversation, then ignoring him might not be the best approach.
Should a girl be so bold as to ask you out?
If I haven’t asked her out, then no, she shouldn’t.
What is the biggest difference between dating as a Christian and dating as a non-Christian?
I think the pressure amongst folks in the church to get married gives dating as a non-Christian this facade of being ‘easier’. Not sure I’d agree with that. Otherwise, not much, except that I’ve tended to stay friends with the non-Christians I’ve dated.
How can the church support healthy relationships?
Glad you asked:
- More same-sex groups. They should be the default; part of the current awkwardness around dating stems from all of the male-female fraternization: the church service, the MC, the life group, the core quad community triad, etc. If you make at least part of that single-sex, you cut back on how much we crash into each other like asteroids wondering if we’re “just friends” or not. And this way, when a man DOES walk up to that woman he’s been eyeing, there’s less room for confusion. Just my opinion, and I’m still thinking this through.
- Also, find the married couples who met and married in NYC, and give them every opportunity available to share their experience. Seriously, we’re DYING to hear from those who are where we want to be.
- Mandatory viewings of “The Millionaire Matchmaker” for all those who wish to date within the church. I’m only half-joking.
- Other than that, the church should stay out of the way. Until marriage counseling, at least…
You state that you’re a ‘black guy who doesn’t attend a predominantly black church’ and state that this ‘has its complications’. What do you mean by this exactly? I’m curious, can you expand ?