Current relationship status: Single
What qualities catch your eye?
Intelligence, ambition, a real sense of adventure, and a very particular sort of gentility and inquisitive kindness. Oh, and legs.
What turns you off about Christian women?
Forewarning: This will come off as more bitter than it truly is. I’m being honest, and not over-thinking these answers.
A) Christian women, in my experience, are typically more selfish and self-centered than other females I interact with. This isn’t to say that trait is limited to Christians, but it’s an unfortunate recurring theme. Also, this seems to get worse the longer the Christian women wait to marry. (It seems that many Christian girls’ sole purpose in life is to get married, which means when they marry at age 19, life is basically over; when they don’t, this entirely distorted, unhealthy, and selfish view of marriage continues to fuel their identity in a tangential way.)
B) Christian women have wildly unrealistic ideas about relationships, which is the cumulative (and paradoxical) sum of Jane Austen novels, Cosmopolitan, and Sex in the City. I could delve into this statement at length, but my inner monologue when I’ve heard Christian girls describe what they want is, “My word, you deserve the loneliness you’ve brought upon yourself.”
C) Christian girls are far more emotionally slutty than non-Christian girls, yet wear this under the guise of ‘purity’, because they’ve kept their panties on. This is exhibited very potently in the fact that Christian men often don’t date within their Christian circle; we all know that these girls – in many, many cases – are ruthlessly flirtatious all around (because they want to lure a Christian man). This makes them impossible to read, and truth-be-told – we don’t trust them. It’s a vicious cycle on both sides of the fence.
How are things faring with the ladies, in general?
I’m not dissatisfied, if that’s what you mean.
That last question was just a diplomatic way of getting the dirt. Boy, why you single?
I’m not actively pursuing any kind of relationship. I’ve got enough going on right now, that I feel it would be irresponsible to make another human being try to “fit into” my schedule. Before that was my answer, it was something related to taking my time in recovering from my previous long-term, live-in relationship. Read into that what you will. I’m probably avoiding vulnerability, or some other pop-psychology term-du-jour.
What do you wish you understood about women?
I’m curious about the real balance women desire between adventure and the perception of security in their lives.
Name your shame. Favorite 90’s ballad? Affection for Lifetime movies? Convince us there’s a mortal behind the facade of perfection that you’re currently rocking.
I once spent an entire summer afternoon watching movies on Lifetime with another dude. It started out with idly flipping through channels, and then an “accidental” settling on what we men call ‘The Estrogen Network’; neither one of use took the ambition to change the channel. We were both completely broke, and we took turns making food throughout the afternoon. We enjoyed it way too much, and vowed to never speak of that afternoon again.
Christians who’re dating face all sorts of moral/logistical conundrums. Where (or to whom) do you look for advice and insight?
My friends – Christian or not – who don’t wear an “it’s always rosy in my household” façade. An easier way of saying that – friends who are real, friends who exhibit wisdom, and friends who are sometimes unlikely sources of advice. Oh, and the Internet. There, I admitted it.
If a girl is interested, what’s her best recourse (other than batting of the eyelashes)?
Ask him real questions – not shallow ones. Any man is already halfway in love with a woman who he feels understands him.
Should a girl be so bold as to ask you out?
What is the biggest difference between dating as a Christian and dating as a non-Christian?
Christian relationship conversations are often a strange dichotomy of “Everything We Can Talk About (Everything in life)” on one side, and “That Thing We Can’t Talk About (Sex)” on the other. This creates so much tension and truly fouled-up relationships and marriages, it’s hard to understand, if you’ve never been outside of that sphere of thinking. Non-Christians realize, in general, that life is much more complicated and involved than that overly-simplistic dichotomy.
How can the church support healthy relationships?
Good question. I think the church can make itself useful in this situation by focusing on the word “healthy”. This means that the church will have to let go of being able to define the context and organization of those relationships, in many cases. By providing support that can benefit the whole person – not just the “rules” those churches define themselves by, I believe growth can occur. In that context.
Has something he said sparked any thoughts for you? Leave your comments below. Fellas, want to contribute to the Manversation? Shoot us an email to join in the discussion.