What do women mean when they say a guy should “man up?” Is there ever a circumstance where women should “lady up?” This week the ladies explore what we’re asking of the opposite sex when we ask them to step up. Leave a comment below with your thoughts.
Music by: Kris Orlowski, “Your Move”
i’m guilty as charged. i’ve used this phrase to lament a perceived (perhaps imaginary) lack of initiative from christian guys — not just when it comes to dating (and i handily admit i am one of those ladies miffed by not being pursued) but w/in the church at large. i’m an alumna of a missions program where women outnumbered the men quite a bit (4:1).
how does a woman “lady up” and still feel like a lady?
In my experience, when Christians use the phrase “man up,” they’re using it in Mark Driscoll’s sense of “be the man, pursue the girl, state your intentions, earn the paycheck, be the head of the household, etc.” Like, basically become Jim Anderson of Father Knows Best.
I’m not a fan of the phrase–mostly because of its gender exclusivity–but I think it has come into popular usage because more and more guys (and girls, but to a lesser degree) are doing this whole delayed adolescence thing where they don’t take on any adult responsibilities until they’re 30 or 35.
That’s frustrating for young women (like me!) who have graduated from college (and grad school) and want to marry and buy a house and do the adult thing, and can’t seem to find a guy our age who wants to share that life with us. We’re told, “Oh, he’s intimidated by you,” to which we’re supposed to respond with…what? “Oh, sorry. Here, let me become less successful and responsible.”
Thus, the “man up” phenomenon. On the surface, it seems to mean “pursue me,” but at a deeper level I think it means “Join me at my level where we could build a mature adult relationship.” Sometimes that simply means developing emotional maturity and communication skills. Sometimes it means getting a real job and moving out of your parents house. Sometimes it means getting serious about your commitment to Christian discipleship.
And there are certainly situations where a female version of “man up” would be appropriate–though I’m not too sure about your “lady up,” Sarah…:) I’ve known a fair few girls who swoon over the fairytale fantasy of a wedding and the Huggies-commercial fantasy of babies, but aren’t really ready for the difficulties of married life or parenthood.
Well, I could go further into the ways that our inconsistent application of traditional gender roles muddles this up even more, but I’ll spare you. I’m enjoying the discussions on the site, though. Keep it up.
My wife wants me to man up! Let tell you the story, I use to be a DOG! Doing my first marriage I averaged one affair a month for seven years. Once I became single I promised God and myself that I would never mistreat women ever in my life. In 1993 I meant the love of my life and 11 months later we were married. After 16 years of marriage she still wants me to man up. She thinks that im passive aggressive when I avoid conflict. Its not that I avoid conflict, I guard my temper. Passive Aggressive means that I avoid conflict. We have are share of conflict, I just know my temper, and I choose to guard it. When Im not successful and my temper gets the best of me and I act out, she accuse me of saying hurtful things. So Im damned if I do or don’t. Maning up to many men is disrespecting there partners and women needs to realize that you may be asking a man to go back to a time in his life that he has been trying to protect you from. Its funny that women claim to want a man to treat them like a queen and then when it happens he’s weak and need to man up! Wow