This song has a story to it. The first time I heard it (and the first time Zach played it in public, as far as I’m aware) I was in a small bar in Brooklyn, nursing the wounds of a day-old breakup. Despite accepting the reasons for the split, and despite having ended things amicably, I found that I was still very sad about the whole thing. I had liked him.
I hadn’t anticipated that my ex would be there that night, or that he would make a point to ignore me altogether. As I recall, he was standing right in front of me, just a little bit to the left when Zach sang the line “Come on, my love, I’m not the one that you were looking for. I’m not the shoulder you should cry on. I am the one you should’ve let go.” I stood in the audience fighting back tears while friends reached out with gestures of quiet empathy. I hung in there just long enough to see it through the end, and then I grabbed the nearest coat (incidentally, not mine) and booked out of the bar. It took half a block for my best friend to catch me; where I stood, on a sleepy street corner, and sobbed. Zach’s song cut.
Hearing it again made me think of the music we tie to moments. Music is incredibly powerful in its ability to wake the memories we’ve long since forgotten. There’s the memory of Zach’s song, and there are others. Joseph Arthur wailing on a harmonica. Ryan Adam’s cover of Wonderwall. Timshel, while hanging onto a friend
What are the songs for you that are stamped (good or bad) with the memories of a relationship?
“Part of Your History” by Blue Merle.
We were friends for a year, in limbo for another, dated for two (really-long & long-distance). We split six years ago and he’s been married for two years now, so I’m completely over it.
Well… more like, 99.5% over it. 0.2% of me still wishes we could revert to the kind of friendship when we first met; 0.1% wishes maybe we should’ve just stayed friends; and 0.2% looks to this song to wash away any trace of regret & hopes he also feels the lyrics of the song.
Music is sooo powerful. I’m gonna tell God I’m real glad that it was his idea and that it’s one of the ways we get to engage with him and make sense of ourselves.
Styx Babe I Love You will forever remind me of the 2nd boyfriend I had in high school, he sang it in my ear as we slow danced somewhere.
Garth Brooks The Dance makes me think of the 3rd guy I dated in high school, we broke up, and he played that to try to get me back …… which worked for about two weeks when I dumped him again because he hadn’t actually changed.
Right now Hall & Oates Because Your Kiss (or whatever the actual name of that song is) is very bitter sweet because I went on a few dates with a guy and thought it was going somewhere. We talked about going to Summerfest in Milwaukee on Wednesday when Hall & Oates was going to be there and I thought that song might be a perfect moment to kiss him. but on the Tuesday immediately before that he emailed me that he didn’t think we were a good match after all. :’(
music is the one thing I personally have to be mindful of because I understand the hold it can have over me. But without further ado…if you kids use spotify, here is a great list taking you through the various stages of loss lol (and let me just say this, it doesn’t get more epic then Jimmy Eat World “Disintegration”)
http://open.spotify.com/user/ldland/playlist/5T2wbrXY2f5rHoZdGsSCju
oh and just for the record….”this town will eat you” is by twothirtyeight, not by Discover America, sorry spotify is dumb.
Hey, Soul Sister by Train. My ex would play it every time we were in the car together along with For You I Will by Teddy Geiger. Every time, she’d grab my ipod, and play at least those two songs. Our breakup kind of happened over the course of a weekend, and that friday we were sitting in the car at Sonic and Just a Dream by Nelly came on and out of a reflex I was just kind of singing along. Not till sunday night when she broke up with me did we realize the foreshadowing that happened that afternoon…
Despite breaking up almost 2 years ago (with a heart that continues to be broken) there are certain songs and cd’s I simply can’t listen to as the memories – including minor details like what outfit I had on or what season it was – come flooding back like a giant, destructive wave washing over me. I wonder when the pain and associations will end, if ever.
During my relationship with my ex boyfriend, I remember I had the song ‘When We Collide’ by Matt Cardle stuck in my head (despite not even particularly liking the song). the evening that I discovered that he had cheated on me, I remember that I put the radio on and just lay on my bed and cried for a long time; and then the song ‘When We Collide’ played, and the pain was unbearable. Still, a year later, if I hear that song it is drenched in memories.